We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
