i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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