So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
