Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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