I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
worst night to have a conscience
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
