i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
