My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
