it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.