I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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