I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
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One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
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Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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