I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
