her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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