Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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