On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
tell me about the fingering
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