What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
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it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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