He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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