I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
one might say we're banned from that church
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize