You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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