i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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