where am i from again
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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