i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
