I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
