They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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