I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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