did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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