I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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