HIV tests are more positive than that guy
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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