I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
All the doctor said was why
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
