So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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