WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
