I wish I could teleport
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
