If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So much rum. So many feels.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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