She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
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I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
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Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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