Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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