My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Barsexuality is the new black.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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