I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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