Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
