He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
