life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
