I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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