batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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