in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
