420 ftw
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
