Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
