We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
