i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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