I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
