Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I understand Curling. That high.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
