I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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