I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize