I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
