i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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