I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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