i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
