so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
