As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
