About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
