you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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