Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
