my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
