what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
