How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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