i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
