It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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