You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
