i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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