"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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