my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
