FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
