You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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