Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
