So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
