I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
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She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
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He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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