Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
